Joyful Life Instructions

You were born to grow

Think about it: a humble caterpillar wakes up one day, and suddenly decides that it is time to stop stuffing itself with leaves. It goes and hangs upside down from a twig, spins itself into a cocoon or molts itself a chrysalis, spends five to twenty one days getting ready, and then emerges, radically transformed into a magnificent butterfly or moth, spreads its wings, and flies into the air. If a tiny creepy crawly can figure out how to do all that, just think what you can do! You already know that you were born to grow, not to remain the same. Just as surely as you're not the baby you once were, you are on your way to becoming your most magnificent self!

Identifying the Fear

You are either living your most joyful life right now or you are carrying some fear, or a bundle of fears, in your body. For most people, the latter is true. Maybe you are afraid to fly, and you think it’s safer to remain a caterpillar. This is the life you know, after all, and you have learned how to manage it. If you feel this, then sit down, get quiet and give yourself time to think: what would I do if I knew I could not fail? What is the scary thing that you cannot imagine being brave enough to try doing? You probably have several answers inside you, and some of them are bigger than others.

When I was younger, I had quite a few such fears weighing me down. I was raised by fearful parents, with a scarcity mentality, and I was also taught that there was something very wrong with me. So I had a lot of false, negative beliefs to overcome before I could break free and spread my wings to live my truest, most beautiful, authentic life. I am not even done fully emerging yet, but I can tell you this: my life gets better and better each time I slough off a layer of existential chrysalis.

My Big Fat Limiting Beliefs

My mother was stuck in the 1950s and she wanted to keep me there with her. Even though I was born in 1966, and started college in the eighties, ten years after Betty Friedan’s The Feminine mystique blew up assumptions about women and domestic fulfillment, I showed up on campus with a head full of very old fashioned, limiting beliefs. My female classmates were full of ambition, whereas I believed what I had been taught all my life: that I would not be able to support myself and I needed to be taken care of by a man. I was married at 23 to my college boyfriend, and I felt terribly afraid of what would become of me if I left that marriage.

As a newlywed in New York City, I realized I was miserable, but I was afraid of admitting that my marriage was a disaster. It felt like admitting that I was a failure. So, I doubled down on my mistake and tried to make it better. But soon, I found myself even more afraid to leave, for a longer list of reasons; I’d now had a baby with my husband, and we were living in his hometown, 500 miles away from all my friends and family. I thought I was a prisoner and that I would have to stay and tough it out, at least for the duration of our son’s childhood.

Enter Fairy Godmother

Thankfully, an older, wiser friend appeared, like a fairy godmother, out of thin air and intervened in my domestic tragedy. She tricked me into seeing Miriam, her amazing, gifted psychic, who in mere minutes, cut through my skepticism and fear in one fell swoop and inspired me to save my own life.

Over the years, I have come to realize that I could become my own fairy godmother. I discovered that I have always had access to all the resources and all the love I could ever want, and I am blessed with an awesome dedicated spirit guide who is with me every step of the way, as well as wise, loving ancestors who watch over me. Since the dark days of my twenties, I have taken back control of the narrative and I continue to write each beautiful page of the rest of my story.

Stage Fright

On a smaller scale, I was also afraid of trying out for a musical theater production. I had auditioned for a rock opera about Queen Esther, when my kids were still little, and I was about to be cast in the lead role. For a brief, shining moment, I was thrilled, but then I found out that after missing a dozen family dinners for rehearsals, I would be unable to invite my family to attend any of the performances, because it was for a women-only audience*, so that was a no go.

(Observant Jewish women do not perform for mixed audiences, because traditional modesty laws prohibit them from doing so. Men are prohibited from hearing female singing, thus women are not allowed to sing in front of men. This production would be a rare opportunity for them to perform for girls and other women, which is permitted.)

Stage Mom

Somehow, over the years, while bringing up three talented performers who each had (1) wonderful stage presence, (2) a beautiful singing voice and (3) strong comic instincts, I lost track of the fact that I had been blessed with these same natural gifts, and that my kids had them at least in part because I was their mother.

As a little girl, I was scolded for being full of myself after my first starring role at age five, and I was discouraged from seeking another one. So, I hid myself away in the pit orchestra and gazed wistfully over my left shoulder as my high school and summer camp friends trod the boards above me. Arriving at college, I screwed up my courage enough to show up for common casting, but I was too intimidated by the flock of preening thespians surrounding me, and I slunk away.

Just say “Fuck It”

So many times after that, I would tamp down the spark prompting me to try again, until finally, at age 51, I just looked at my fear and said “Fuck It”. With coaching from my eldest child and encouragement from my husband and other children, I prepared a song, auditioned, got called back, read scenes with two scene partners, got cast in an amazing role, accepted the job and had a ball. I was obsessed. I threw myself into understanding my character, I fashioned a backstory for her, I sang her story, I cried her tears, and she became a part of me that I carried with me long after the final curtain. As soon as I was able, I auditioned again, and was cast in an even more amazing role. I do not want to think about all the joy I might have experienced throughout my teens, twenties, thirties and forties, if I had only been given a little bit of encouragement. But that was not my path. I had to get there on my own, and arriving there late made it all the more sweet.

The sign you have been waiting for

I know you have your own secret fears, and your own secret longings. Whether we have been here before or will be here again is open for debate. What we can all agree upon is that we have this one beautiful amazing life, this opportunity to do whatever we wish with our time, our energy, our talents and our abilities. What I can tell you is this: if your soul is prompting you to do it, you must listen, or live with the bitter pain of regret. Nobody regrets the things they tried, the risks they took, only the things they did not. When you get clear about what your soul is prompting you to do, you must do it without delay. If you were waiting for a sign, here it is, in this blog post.

Haven’t you overcome every obstacle and hardship in your path before now? Of course, you have; you are amazing! Will you ever grow again by hiding, procrastinating, playing it safe? Go now to the edge of your fear and take a few long, deep breaths. Jump off that cliff, and soar, trusting your future self to be strong enough to catch you.