Dinner Party Hosting for Novices, a Primer

Subtitle

I planned and hosted my second wedding and three bar mitzvahs without hiring anyone to advise me. I also began hosting pot luck dinners in my Ohio backyard when my younger children were very small. My grandmother would hear I was expecting 24 people for Friday night dinner and she would always ask me “why?” and I would reply “because I enjoy it!” I really do enjoy hosting parties and I miss it. My last one was pre-pandemic, so it’s been several years.

Before we dive in, think about where you may want to host your party. Do you have a table large enough to gather around? If not, can you borrow a folding table and chairs from neighbors to supplement the seating in your kitchen, dining area or living room? Alternatively, is there an entertaining space you can reserve for a couple of hours in your apartment building, or a shelter with picnic tables in a nearby park? Okay, now that we have a setting, let’s begin to envision your party.

Intended to Inspire You

When people urged me to write a book, they hoped and expected that it would be an advice book on how to live a life filled with joy, but I did not feel comfortable with the idea of being perceived as pedantic. Also, YMMV; what brings me joy may or may not spark joy for you. My preferred method of showing others how to live joyfully is to tell my own story, hoping that it will guide and inspire you. Rather than offering a blogpost full of advice on how to throw a dinner party, I am taking the same approach I took in my book, Instigator of Joy.

Here is the story of my most recent dinner party, to show you how such a thing can and may unfold for you.

Opportunity (The Cat’s Away)

If you are single, and living without a roommate, this may not apply to you. But my most recent dinner party was inspired by the news that my husband, Paul, would be out of town for four nights over Superbowl weekend. First, I accepted an invitation to attend a party and stay over at my cousin’s apartment in New York on Saturday night, but I would return home Sunday evening, 48 hours ahead of Paul. His extended absence presented an opportunity; it meant I could host some of my girlfriends on Monday night, to celebrate Galentine’s Day without the awkwardness of asking him to leave the house or hide upstairs in our attic bedroom or downstairs, in the basement.

Just Do It

Many people express astonishment and even wonder at how many things I do in a short period of time. My secret to getting so many things done is that I do not deliberate much. Some call it impulsivity; it’s just how I roll. I get an idea, and then, in what appears to be the next moment, I take action. The idea of hosting a Monday night, mid-winter dinner party popped into my head on February 2nd. Without a moment’s hesitation, I started messaging local girlfriends on facebook: You are cordially invited to a Galentine’s Dinner Party at my home, at 6:30pm, RSVP. Eleven days later, I was having the time of my life, enjoying one of the best parties I’ve attended or hosted since my youngest child’s bar mitzvah in 2015.

How it Happened

1. On February 2nd, I sent an invite to several local friends, a few more than I can fit around my table, by messaging them on facebook, naming the group "Galentine’s dinner party." I then thought of a couple local friends who are not on facebook, and I sent text messages to them. When I saw my neighbor across the street out on her front porch, I invited her, too. (Feel free to be more circumspect in organizing your own guest list)
2. As people responded with conflicts, and I realized that most people on the initial list could not attend, I gradually added more people to the group
3. Reminded myself that even if one friend comes over, I will still have fun
4. Removed people from the facebook messenger group, one by one, as they expressed their regrets
5. When the first person accepted the invitation and offered to bring roasted cauliflower, I realized that other people will want to bring something too and so, I began to organize a menu and added information about who was bringing what. I also announced some proposed party activities: a women's history quiz, a small craft project, and angel card readings.
6. Went through my craft drawers and considered what would be fun for my friends to create in a short period of time. I purchased a set of tiny terracotta planters on amazon. I already had plenty of paintbrushes and paint on hand, as well as little bowls for water, and newspaper to cover the table, after all the dinner dishes were cleared.
7. In the days leading up to the event, as I took tangible steps to set up the space for the party, I took progress pictures and shared them with my guests. I repurposed last year’s pink, red and sparkly white foam hearts, stapling them onto pink yarn and stringing them across the front room as a festive welcome garland, reminiscent of the colorful crepe paper my mother used to criss cross the basement ceiling with for all my childhood birthday parties. Before leaving for NYC, I set the table with serving platters and utensils at the ready in case my friends arrived with offerings of food packed in plastic boxes.
8. Used my time on the bus to New York Saturday to research and organize a womens’ history quiz. On Monday morning, I tested it out on a female relative, then adjusted the quiz accordingly. Organized small prizes for the winner and runner up.
9. Woke up Monday morning and told myself not to let my feathers get ruffled as regrets inevitably began to stream in. Found myself arguing (by text) with a guest when she said she realized she would not be fun company. Drove soup over to the home of a guest who was too sick to attend. Cooked my "hostess entree", added a few more decorative touches and focused on holding space for fun.

Joy Instigator Tip

If you find that you’re feeling stressed, or you find yourself arguing with guests about their last minute regrets, try stepping away for a guided meditation, or pull an angel card. I did the latter and pulled “Ease and Grace,” which reminded me to see life as a dance. Helpfully, it asked: How can you bring more grace and poise to your current situation? This is a time to soften, breathe, and move in a way that is steady but flowing.

Time to Party

You have done all the preparation, and now, the hour is at hand. Get ready to welcome guests joyfully into your home, knowing that the evening is unfolding just as it is meant to. Follow these steps, stay loose, practice non attachment and you will have the pleasure of sharing a meal to which your friends have each contributed in some way. Your friends will get to spend time with you and most likely also meet someone new. They may get to learn something new. They may get to do a craft. They may receive an angel card reading. They may dance together in a small space. See how the spirit moves you. All is well. Even though you may forget to serve dessert, as I did, hopefully, everyone will go home happy and then, you will get to eat the leftovers. If you are lucky, like I was, someone will have cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher while you are reading Angel Cards or singing karaoke. Enjoy!!!

If this helps you, please tell me!

If this blog post inspired you to throw a dinner party, and you had fun hosting one, please write and let me know. It would really bring me joy.